Beyond Belief: Finding a Place in the World After Leaving a High-control Religion
Leaving a high-control religion is akin to waking from a prolonged dream. The world, once viewed through a singular, prescribed lens, suddenly explodes into a kaleidoscope of possibilities. It's a disorienting, exhilarating, and often terrifying experience. There are almost always worries about consequences of the decisions made, wether that is losing a community, or being shunned or ostracised by friends and family members. Some people risk losing their homes, their livelihood, or physical, emotional, or financial support when they walk away from a high-control group.
For years my own identity was inextricably linked to a belief system. It was a comforting cocoon, offering a clear roadmap for life and our purpose on earth. But when doubt began to creep in, the foundations of my world started to crumble. The experience is different for everyone, sometimes everything falls away at once, but for others it can take weeks, months, or even years to process. But often it can result in having to face a stark, unfamiliar landscape. Without the familiar contours of religious doctrine you may feel adrift, a solitary vessel on a vast, uncertain ocean. Questions that had once been answered with dogmatic certainty may now be tinged with doubt and the answers may not be so clear.
On top of this loss and change there are additional challenges when it comes to finding a place in the world and seeing your life and the world around you with a new lens. There can be fears of the people, who may have been painted as “worldly”, “ungodly”, or something to fear. There can be anxiety over if the decision you made was correct, and if maybe you were wrong about the religion’s truth claims. Some people may feel that without religion or a “God” they now lack purpose and have lost their community.
To anyone going through this I would like to say that you are not alone. You like many others are on a journey of rediscovery, of peeling back layers of conditioning to reveal the authentic self behind it. You can start to learn and trust in your own intuition, to question everything, and to seek truth from the world around you rather than a designated authority figure. While this process can be messy, often accompanied by feelings of loss, anger, and isolation - it can also be a profound opportunity for growth.
There is so much happiness, joy, and purpose to be found outside of religion. You will be able to build your life based on values that resonate deeply with your new sense of self, you can build new relationships, and explore new interests and passions which may have otherwise been suppressed. Let curiosity become your compass and ask questions without restraint, embrace the liberation and learn to question everything. As your old worldview crumbles around you there will be opportunity to slowly rebuild your life and your beliefs. Courage is not an absence of fear; it's action despite it. So, step forward. Embrace the unknown. Uncertainty is a natural part of the human experience and know you are not alone in this experience. Others have walked this path, stumbled, and risen stronger.
Coping with Leaving a High-Control Religion
Leaving a high-control religion can be a deeply isolating and challenging experience.Here are some strategies to help you navigate this transition:
Reclaiming Your Identity
Self-Reflection and Awareness: The journey begins with honest self-reflection. As you step away from the rigid confines of your former faith, take time to explore the beliefs you've been taught. You may find that there are beliefs about yourself or others which have a foundation built on things you have been taught and have internalised, sometimes without realising.
Explore Your Values: Without the constraints of religious dogma, take time to identify what truly matters to you. What are your core values? What kind of person do you want to be?
Build a New Support System: Surround yourself with people who accept and support you. This might include family, friends, or new acquaintances who share similar experiences.
Develop New Interests: Explore hobbies and activities that bring you joy and fulfilment. This can help you discover new aspects of yourself.
Seek Professional Help: A therapist can provide valuable support as you navigate this transition and develop coping mechanisms.
Journaling: Expressing your thoughts and feelings through writing can be a powerful tool for self-discovery and emotional release.
Impact of Indoctrination: Recognize the impact of indoctrination on your life. How did it affect your relationships with family members outside the group? What challenges did you face when leaving your religious community?
Seek Support and Education: Remember, you don't have to navigate this transformation alone. Seek out communities of survivors who have overcome similar situations. Engage with experts who understand high-control religions. Education is key—learn about the tactics these groups use. The more you know, the better equipped you'll be to identify remnants of indoctrination in your life.
Embrace Critical Thinking: Critical thinking becomes your compass. Challenge beliefs and worldviews. Embrace your newfound freedom to question everything. Seek evidence-based knowledge. As you do, you'll dismantle the toxicity of external influences and cultivate authentic beliefs. Critical thinking involves asking questions, researching independently, and being open-minded
Coping with Shunning
Understand the Dynamics: Recognize that shunning is a tactic used by high-control groups to maintain power and control. Understanding this can help you distance yourself from the emotional pain.
Build a Support Network: Connect with people who have experienced similar situations. Sharing experiences and support can be invaluable.
Limit Contact: If possible, reduce contact with those who are shunning you. This can help protect your emotional well-being.
Focus on Self-Care: Prioritize activities that promote physical and mental health, such as exercise, meditation, or spending time in nature.
Celebrate Your Independence: Embrace the freedom that comes with leaving a high-control environment. Celebrate your achievements and milestones.
Finding Your Place in the World
Educate Yourself: Learn about different belief systems, cultures, and perspectives. This can help you broaden your worldview.
Volunteer: Giving back to your community can provide a sense of purpose and connection.
Set Goals: Having clear objectives can help you stay focused and motivated as you build a new life.
Be Patient with Yourself: Personal growth takes time. Allow yourself to make mistakes and learn from them.
Embrace Uncertainty: Leaving a high-control environment can be unsettling, but it's also an opportunity for growth and discovery. Embrace the unknown with curiosity and openness.
Establish Boundaries: Setting boundaries is crucial for emotional, mental, and psychological well-being. After leaving a high-control religious group, you'll encounter new challenges. Say "no" to interactions with individuals who don't respect your decisions and beliefs. Focus on relationships with those who understand and support you.
Trying Things For the First Time: Venturing into the "worldly" realm can be both thrilling and daunting. As you step outside your former religious bubble, embrace the novelty. Try secular music, watch movies, dance, and try our new clothing styles or makeup. Allow yourself moments of bliss and exhilaration. Yes, there may be lingering doubts, but remember: you're rewiring your mind. Over time, clarity will emerge
Remember, healing is a journey, not a destination. Be patient with yourself, and seek support when needed. With time and effort, you can create a fulfilling and authentic life. Rebuilding your life might feel overwhelming at times, but remember, every step you take, no matter how small, is a victory. You're not alone in this journey. There are people who care about you and want to support you. Healing takes time, and it's okay to feel lost or uncertain. You’re discovering who you truly are, and that's an exciting adventure.
If you are struggling and need help I recommend checking out Recovering from Religion which has a peer-to-peer chat service available in multiple countries.
References
1. [Finding Your Way In the World After Leaving A High Control Religion](https://www.fundamentallyfree.com/post/navigating-the-world-after-leaving-fundamentalism)
2. [5 Steps to Freedom from High-Control Religion — Courage 365](https://www.courage365.org/blog/5-steps-to-freedom-from-high-control-religion)
3. [Navigating Life After Leaving a High-Demand Religion: Setting Healthy Boundaries and Finding Authenticity](https://medium.com/@wise.ash.witch/navigating-life-after-leaving-a-high-demand-religion-setting-healthy-boundaries-and-finding-548e881faa24)
(1) 5 Steps to Freedom from High-Control Religion — Courage 365. https://www.courage365.org/blog/5-steps-to-freedom-from-high-control-religion.
(2) Leaving A High Demand, High Control Religion. https://www.psychotherapynetworker.org/article/leaving-high-demand-high-control-religion/.
(3) “Living Between Two Different Worlds”: Experiences of Leaving a High .... https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10943-021-01397-1.
(4) Finding Your Way In the World After Leaving A High Control Religion. https://www.fundamentallyfree.com/post/navigating-the-world-after-leaving-fundamentalism.
(5) Setting Boundaries After Leaving Religion: A Complete Guide. https://bing.com/search?q=constructing+a+new+world+view+after+leaving+high+control+religion.
(6) Navigating Life After Leaving a High-Demand Religion: Setting ... - Medium. https://medium.com/@wise.ash.witch/navigating-life-after-leaving-a-high-demand-religion-setting-healthy-boundaries-and-finding-548e881faa24.
