Resigning my LDS membership
The light of your countenance is your own.
Church leaders would have you believe that if you leave the church you will have nothing.
For years I heard the importance of guarding myself against the adversary who has the ability to plan thoughts in my head. That when choosing who to befriend that I should follow the example set by the city of Enoch and choose to live by the standards set by Jesus - otherwise it would be as though I were accepting friendship from the likes of those living in the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah!
The LDS church likes to think that they are a beacon of light in a world of darkness, and that should you leave the church that you will live an unhappy and unfulfilling life. They warn that for those that choose to reject the gospel will life a sad and unfulfilling life, and that we will ultimately face long-term eternal consequences that not only effect us, but our families as well.
The type of language they use works well to keep members living in ignorance, fearful of the world and the perceived darkness in it.
Moving away from these beliefs will not be an easy journey, but as someone who has gone through the process I can say that having the ability to express myself, be true to myself, and love who I want to love has made the journey worth while contrary to recent statements made by Tad Wilcox, having doubts about the church does not diminish you or your countenance.
I can promise that no matter how and when you start your journey that there is a community there to help with your questions, and provide love and support. A place where you are allowed the freedom of discussion and debate instead of having to live by faith and blind obedience.
My Resignation
Despite the fact that I stopped going to meetings around 2008-2009 my journey away from religion didn’t actually start until January 2020.
I stopped going to meetings full-time after an argument with one of the leaders who outright told me I needed to move away from my parents as they are a bad influence on me (really not a bad conclusion on their part considering that my dad was excommunicated a few years later). At the time I felt that leaders in the church were not behaving in a way that was in line with church teachings or gospel doctrine - but I still 100% believed that the church was true. I remember praying about it and studying my scriptures to look for an answer. I ultimately came to the conclusion that I did not need a building to worship God (based on verses like Acts 17:24), and that I could continue to read/pray/study on my own until I felt ready to return. Fortunately for me (other than the odd church service) that day never really came.
I will go into a bit more detail on leaving in another post, but by January 2020 I was sure that the Mormon Church was not true and I was aware that it had very controlling and cult like tendencies. However I was still not certain on what I really believed when it came to a God and the afterlife. My whole life up till this point I was certain that there was life after death (even if I didn’t know exactly what form this would take), but I was beginning to question what I actually believed.
At this point I started working night shifts and had a lot of time to read or listen to books/music and one night my fiancé suggested I have a read through his copy of Steven Hassan’s book Combating Cult Mind Control. About the same time we also started watching Atheist Experience channel together, and soon I was listening to several past episodes every night.
By January 2021 I was convinced that I should not base my beliefs on things that could not be proven, and that I did not need to be 100% certain on if there was a God because there is no way to be 100% certain on anything. I learned a lot about myself over that 12 month period and while there were some days where things felt confusing, scary and even upsetting - knowing that I had a better knowledge of the truth provided a lot of comfort.
I started looking more at the Mormon church and my former belief system and I began to see just how toxic and controlling it really was. I started to recognise that this was a religion that I did not want to be a part of in any way. I was still an official member, and had stayed friends with some of the church congregation after leaving, and as hard as it was I knew that I did not want them thinking of me as an inactive member - that with all of the terrible things the church has said/done, and continues to do that I wanted to be clear that I did not support them. A massive part of my decision was finding out the changes that came about in 2015 in relation to same-sex marriage, and the children of same-sex couples. I will go into this more in another post, but I was truly horrified at their position.
The LDS church is notoriously hard to leave as there are several barriers that members can face when trying to resign, this can often include bishops or members of the elders quorum insisting on discussing your membership in person. Luckily there are several voluntary organisations that will handle the resignation process on your behalf so that you don’t have to have any contact with them (places like Quit Mormon and Mormonenaustritt are excellent resources). A few weeks later I got a letter confirming that my resignation was completed and I felt better knowing that I was no longer counted as one of their numbers.
I decided that as part of being true to myself I needed to be honest with my friends and family not only about my position on the church, but also about my sexuality (see below).
Well I did something. Sorry for the long post, but its important for me to say why this decision has been made and why I'm putting it out there.
I've not been active in the LDS church since I was about 16 or 17, but this last year has given me a lot of time to reflect on who I am and what I believe. Its not like this hasn't been a long time coming, I have know for a while that that LDS church isn't true. I have had to live with the after affect of leaving religion, like feeling guilt or shame for things that are perfectly normal!
I grew up being told that homosexuality is immoral, and if you read any of the older church literature you can see that the so called prophets have used MUCH worse language to describe being gay. As a result as a young person I convinced myself that I only "admired" girls...not in the same way I did/should like boys. It wasn't until I went to university and really learned more about sexuality that I realised I was bisexual...and that it was ok.
I also grew up being told how important chastity is...that breaking the law of chastity was a sin almost as bad as murder. One prophet went as far as to basically say it was better to be killed than to allow someone to take your chastity!! Basically better dead than raped! What kind of message is that to send to young people. The book where this message is written is still being sold in Deseret book shops...and it has never been denounced by the church (despite also containing disgusting sexist and homophobic language). I wont get into detail about why this subject effected me personally, but I will say that because of these teachings I felt like I had sinned for something not my fault.
There are several other problems I have with the history of the Church, having now read the CES letter I know there are so many inconsistencies not only in Joseph Smith's testimony, but within the church itself.
I have heard it argued that men lead the church, and as such they are prone to error. But I have realised its not logical to follow a church where it's really a coin flip if they are getting their information from "God" or just making things up in their own head.
The final straw for this decision came recently when I found out that in 2015 the church stopped children living in a same-sex household from being blessed as babies or baptized until they are 18...unless of course children disavow the practice of same-sex cohabitation or marriage and stop living within the household...then they can request to join the church. For a church that supposedly cares so much about the "family unit" this was an appalling move. Even if this decision has now been reversed (arguably because of the number of people resigning) it should have never been made in the first place. It was absolutely heart breaking for me to read.
I have always tried to be respectful of other people on my Facebook, and I will continue to do so. And I do respect other peoples right to believe in whatever they want as long as they don't infringe on the rights of others.
But for me believing something on faith isn't good enough anymore. Faith isn't a reliable path to truth. I choose to remove myself from the official records and post publicly because I dont want to be associated with the church anymore. I dont want to be part of their numbers and I dont want to be thought of as just an inactive member. I am now officially an ex-mormon.
This journey has not been an easy one, and there have been nights where I slip back into the same mindset of fearing the what-ifs.
Each day I am still learning, growing, and trying to take steps towards self acceptance. As comforting as it was to “know” that the church is true and to believe that I would see my family and friends again after death, I would never want to go back to those beliefs.
I want to spend the rest of my life living like it is all that matters, making the most of the moments I have with the people I love.
I want to make a difference to the people living now.
I want to be free to live on my terms, accepting myself for who I am.
Nothing is worth giving up who you are, and I can definitely say that things are better on the other side.
